You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July, 2008.
After nearly 27 hours of traveling (including BART, flights, layover, taxi), we are finally here in Jakarta. It’s around 33 degrees C, which is around 92 degrees F, and with high humidity being so close to the Equator.
On the drive to our hotel (Mercure), huge gaps between the rich and the poor are blatantly obvious in the infrastructure of the West side of Jakarta. The expressway (tolled) from the airport is in newly paved condition, yet the connecting local roads and broken sidewalks have not been maintained in some years. A large number of swamps and rundown shacks are scattered about on either sides of the expressway. The rich seem to live in the newly built 3-bedroom condominums.
It’s an interesting feeling seeing the big developed business buildings sandwiched in what are mostly unmaintained residential and shops. Each building seemed to care about its own color and style, and as a result, there is no consistency to sight.
Like many developing countries, Jakarta faces problems in traffic jam, urbanization, waste management, lack of proper housing and pollution. Something I learned- Jakarta is the eleventh largest city in the world (although it’s officially a province).
I am writing this from Taipei, my 4-hour layover stop before I head to Jakarta, my final destination. This is my first time here in Taiwan, and I step on this land with a bit of bittersweet sentiments.
I am a product of Mainland China. Even though I immigrated to the States as a kid and somewhat avoided the intensities of China-Taiwan foe, I am still very much a part of the strong political viewpoints I hear from individuals who are of “People’s Republic of China” and “Republic of China.”
While I feel that I don’t have a thorough understanding of the history to be able to stake a side, I am however, a bit sick and tired of hearing the personal stabs from both ends. To be honest, even while growing up in the States (and I’m certain of other parts of the world, such as Vancouver), I sense an internal battle and intentional divide amongst the Chinese population. People did not identify themselves as “Chinese,” but rather as “Taiwanese,” “Cantonese,” and “Mainlanders.” Each label carried its own connotations. For example, it was my personal impression that certain the Taiwanese and Cantonese individuals looked down upon the Mainlanders because they were perceived as poor and fobby. On the other hand, certain Mainlanders perceived Taiwanese as arrogant and whiny. There were clearly status at play, and everyone had something to prove.
Earlier this year in a Leadership Communication class, we had to do a speech on a controversial topic. A Taiwanese friend approached me after our assignment and timidly asked me if I would be okay if he were to do a speech on “Free Taiwan from China.” I’ve always chosen to take on a bystander position in the matter, and was a bit surprised when he thought he may offend me. “Of course not! I would love to learn more about it.”
This was a friend who had consistently been very shy about public speaking. Yet during the 8 minutes of his speech, he was a different person, full of passion and conviction. It was insightful to hear his perspectives- Taiwan gets no representation for the Olympics, being a part of a “country” that’s not recognized on many MBA applications, etc.
I try not to let my personal feelings and bias takeover, yet as I walk on this land that had been closed to direct flights from Mainland China for nearly 60 years, I can’t help but feel bittersweet, in many conflicting ways. It wasn’t till July 4th (interesting date) of this year, when the first regualr, direct flight finally landed at the Taipei airport.
What’s next? Only time will tell, influenced by the economic markets and political parties. In the meantime, I’m glad to have the chance to write down the feelings that I had been holding inside.
“BUT I’m NOT ready for my vacation!!!” I whined to my fiance hastily, only comprehending a few seconds later what I had just said. Soon, we will be off to Indonesia for about 3 weeks. Our first stop is Jakarta, where my friend is getting married this weekend. They’ve also invited a few couples to spend the honeymoon with them (what a cute idea!). The honeymoon is in Lombok, an island east of Bali, known as the “untainted Bali” with some of the best surfing spots. We were in Bali last year and absolutely loved it, so when we had heard about the honeymoon destination, we were immediately on-board.
So why am I not ready for this lovely vacation?! Well, I feel fat!!! And quite frankly, I am about 5-7 lbs fatter than what I was last year. My clothes don’t quite fit my anymore, and I refuse to buy bigger dress sized clothes. <sigh> I have not gotten into a 2-piece all this year. In fact…I was hoping to avoid so, at least until I get into better shape.
As I continued to swim in my agony, my fiance said that it takes time and just enjoy the vacation in a country that no one knows me. I’m trying. Like most women, body image is something that I’ve been extremely critical with myself. However, I continue to question whether there is really a perfect body (to myself)? And, given what I have to do to get this perfect body, is it worth my struggle? I love food too much, and not in the moderation that’s relative to 100 calorie packs.
So what’s the moral of the story? I can tell you a few, such as “no one cares about how you look except yourself,” or “action speaks louder than words: if it’s causing you that much pain, then do something about it,” or “love thyself.” Yet, the truth is- I’m still searching for my balance, and looking for my own moral story.
signed,
“stubborn snacker seeking fat-free sweets”
Event: July 20th, 2008
Background:
Out of impulsive determination and in the spirit of new year resolutions, I signed up for the Vineman Ironman 70.3 back in early January. Having only done a couple of Sprint triathlons and badly out of shape due to MBA madness, I wanted to have something drastic on the horizon that would motivate me to get fit again. Well, the plan quickly dissipated when the spring semester flood gate opened with classes, projects, internship and club obligations in a constant rush. So, it wasn’t till mid-May when I was finally forced to confront my impulsive “purchase.”
Preparation:
It was a bit late to kick off training in mid-May, especially with a very pathetic athletic base. However, I thought I just take it a step at a time, enjoy the process, have fun along the way and see where I end up. I didn’t really follow a specific training plan, but consciously alternated the three sports and gradually loaded on the mileage to avoid injuries.
I did a few casual and prep events along the way:
- Mt. Tam Wild Boar Ridge 10K Run: challenging single-trail “hike run”, beautiful but scary.
- Bay to Breakers: not much running there, except to get away from the naked saggy butts.
- See Jane Run 1/2 Marathon: my first all-women event, felt like I was in a dri-fit fashion show.
- San Jose International Triathlon: a good mental-prep event for the Vineman, it was super hot that day and can’t forget pacman-shaped swim in the lake
In addition, I had the opportunity to swim a portion of the Russian River and bike the entire bike course. These were definitely the confidence boosters and have helped me to stick to the race.
The Day before the Race
The day before had been quite hectic running errands and getting settled (my parents just got in town the day before and my fiance’s parents left after staying with us for the last few days). My late lunch consisted of two 99 cents cheeseburger from McDonald’s and a couple of plain bagels in the car. Luckily (and unfortunately), I OD’ed on carbo-loading the entire week, so I felt like I had enough carbs for an Ironman. For the night, I stayed in a house a town over from the starting point with a friend who is also doing the race and my fiance. Finally setting down around 6pm, we had homemade pasta together and joked around while we got ready for the next day.
Race Day
Holy crap! I’ve never seen sooooo many expensive tribikes in my life!!! I felt quite underdressed with my basic road bike, a rarity amongst the norm.
Swim:
The usual drill: drink, porta-potty, drink, get ready while chit-chatting with people around me. A pleasant surprise- my parents decided to drive all the way from Sonoma (1 hr+) early in the morning to see me off. This year, they’ve grouped age 29 and under altogether as a wave, we were the third to last wave to go.
And off, we go. With swim being my worst leg, I was overall fine with this one. There were a very slight current swimming out, but overall it was nice and calm (except when you’re being passed). The swim was a lot longer than I had expected, I think hitting the turnaround bouy took a lot longer than I had expected. Also, there were a couple of spots where you could literally stand up and walk without too much effort. I did take advantage of that to adjust my goggles.
Bike:
There was an immediate hill right out of transition, which it was encouraged that we pushed our bikes up and mount up the hill. Doing so saved me some energy and helped me to ease nicely into the bike leg. My intention for this race was to enjoy the fun and ENGAGE in the moment. I definitely did that on this leg. I felt great going into the bike and was biking faster than I anticipated. Having already bike the entire course before allowed me to relax and enjoy the scenery a bit. The only time when I felt slightly fatigued was around mile 30, but bounced back after about a couple of miles and a quick bathroom stop. I loved the cheers from spectators and the guys (age 40-44 male was the wave behind mine) who were passing me. For the entire course, I passed a few of the girls in my age group and not vice versa (although I think it’s because I was already so behind from swimming). The Chalk Hill was really not bad at all- short and sweet. Although I did pass a guy (age 35) who had dismounted and was push his bike up the hill. My favorite moment was when I rode 33-38mph down the hill. Boy, was that liberating!
Run:
I was feeling really good after the bike. Going into the run, I was surprised to feel my legs in control (probably because I took it easy on the last four miles of biking). However, I was cautious to make sure that my heart rate was in range by self-perceived exertion. I definitely did not want to hit the wall. The run was a lot more hilly than I thought. Being overly cautious, I intentionally pulled back on my speed and stayed most in the 9.5-10 mile range. Having not ran more than 4 miles since my Half Marathon in late May due to Plantar Fasciitis, I was not in running shape and had lost touch to how I was supposed to feel and how much to push myself. At that point, I decided that it was more important for me to finish my first Half Iron happily and calmly, than to try to shave minutes off of an nonexistent time and risk hitting the wall and injuries. So, I basically walked up the hills and ran down the hills. As someone who refuses to stop during half marathons, you could say that I was a fellower of Jeff Galloway for the day. It wasn’t till I was in sight of the finishline when I finally decided that I was going to sprint to the finish. Which, to my surprise, proved that I had A LOT more unused energy left in the end.
Looking Back & Lessons Learned
My goal was to finish between 6.5 hrs and 7 hrs. My time interestingly was 6 hrs 59 min 50 sec. Funny eh?! Honestly, I’m bummed that I didn’t push myself harder on the run- which had I done so, I think I could’ve at least shaved off 10 minutes on the run. Next time!!! In the end, I got what I had in mind for the Half Ironman: fun, engage, challenging and sharing the experience with friends & family. This is something that my parents have never experienced and comprehended in their lives, and I’m so happy to be able to show them my joy in the world of recreational Triathlon. I was also touched to see my parents spending the whole day cheering me on. As not-so-outdoorsy people, they even took a couple of hits- badly sunburnt and my dad scrapping his knees as a result of trying to chase me down for photos while avoiding taking down some kids! Lastly, definitely want to thank my Fiance for putting up with me and my unpredictable nervousness. Finally, a major lessons learned: do not carbo-load like there’s no tomorrow. Ironically after the race, I think I actually gained a few pounds from overboarding on carbo-loading. UGH! I feel nasty. I think it’s going to be salads for the next couple of weeks!
Something has been bugging me all week. OK OK, I mean REALLY bugging me.
Exhibit A: Jenny, has her first Half Ironman triathlon event this Sunday. Has been training hard for the past few months. Tapering this week- carbo-load, going to bed @ 9 – 10pm. Nervous.
Exhibit B: My Fiancé’s parents, lovely and kind people. Here this week to visit the area. Sick, trying to recover from a cold/cough.
What’s wrong with this picture? Well, A + B = HELP! They’re staying with us, in our bedroom, which connects to the closet and bathroom.
Bed-less and banned from my closet and shoes, I felt a bit inconvenienced. On top of that, the “cold & cough” factor got me a bit on the edge. I’m usually pretty good about putting others first. But this week, with my very first Half Ironman that I sort of don’t feel ready looming over my head, I had told everyone around me and myself that THIS WEEK IS ALL ABOUT ME. I need to get my beauty sleep, eat the right things and be at an emotionally stable state so that I will not “hit the wall” during my race.
Needless to say, my nervousness soon turned into agitation. In turn, this fueled guilt (for feeling this way) and annoyance (with myself, and others). I was no longer able to visualize my race, instead I was playing the picture of me sleeping on the floor and seeing the germs floating around the public air that we share. I was an emotional mess.
To unload my feelings, I spoke to my family and friends. I also thought about checking myself into a nearby hotel. Finally, not being able to hold it in any longer, I whined to my Fiancé’s (I had avoided doing so earlier because I didn’t want to put him in the middle, a tough place to be). Without me knowing, he actually took actions to address the awkward situation.
Anyway, long story short- I decided that no one needs to move in the end. What had to move, were the dark and weighted clouds of self-pity in my head. I realized that I had refused to let go of these negative feelings because I felt like I was not heard or sympathized. I felt indignant, I felt wronged.
I became fixated on this hurtful feeling, wondering how people would feel if I were to end up getting too sick to do the event. Thanks to my fiance and his experience in competitive volleyball, I realized that my mind had detracted far away from my original intentions. I had intended to welcome the to-be family, have a good time and kick some ass at my event this weekend. Somewhere along the way, my original goal had detracted and I was binding myself to the need to feel sympathized and be recognized for my sacrifice.
This is why the mind can be self-destructive. It forms a downward spiral and becomes fixated on things that are not even relevant in the grand scheme of things. This is why strong and right-minded leaders, athletes and musicians are good at what they do. This is also why you can easily throw someone off their game by saying “hey, your bike tire doesn’t look right” to a Cyclist, “you’re not going to catch the next pass” to a Wide Receiver, or “your first-string violinist got beaten by mine” to a Cellist in the orchestra. Good ol’ trashtalkin’, baby. Even without external interference, the weak-minded players may simply be trashtalking themselves into the downward spiral.
The key is to recognize what’s important, and the nonrelevant things will fade into the fall into the ground. I was finally able to do that last night. I shoved aside the piles of nonrelevant agitations that had been blocking my excitment for the Sunday event. And what happened? I slept like a baby…on a ghetto twin-size blow-up mattress, but that’s no longer relevant.
This past weekend, I was in NY for an alumni retreat for the Creativity and Personal Mastery course. Through a number of informal discussions, one thing became clear to me: a personal ”goal” can be very different from the person’s “intention.” In fact, I believe that a person’s goals can often at times contradict his/her original intention, without even realizing so.
We as achievers and over-achievers have a tendency to set goals for ourselves, big or small, near or future. A goal is something that we’d like to reach, to accomplish and say “yes! I’ve achieved my goal of fill in the blank.” However over time, goals become checkboxes; just one more thing to check off. “Why do I need to? I forgot.”
We get so caught up in our goals that we forget WHAT and WHY it is that we want to get out of this experience. Goals help us focus, but too much focus on the “destination” hinders our growth and creativity in the journey. It prevents us from having fun along the way, our willingness to stop, ask for help or change our itinerary altogether. We must pause once in a while and ask ourselves: “who is leading whom? my goal, or me?!”
Goals = Ego-booster.
We are unwilling to let go of our goals when there are clearly signs telling us to switch gears. Perhaps it’s pure stubbornness, or perhaps we’ve failed to notice because we are so driven by the need to check off the preconceived checkbox.
I’m more of a fan of intentions. An intention embodies the direction and significance of the “what” and “why”. Setting your intention is like setting your direction. There may be many goals catalyzed from your intention, but it’s the intention that keeps you grounded and honest with yourself. Having your intention in sight will help you to have an easier time dropping a “goal” when it no longer makes sense. For me, intention serves as my North Star.
So loosen up. If you’re currently having a hard time getting something you want, then ask yourself, what is it about it that makes you want it so much? And, are there other things that you could do to get the same things that you’re looking for?
This is an add-on to my original post on July 11th.
Earlier today, I went swimming at Lake Anza, a local East Bay lake (water is slightly nasty and you will come out smelling like the by-product of ducks…). Overall, I had a nice swim, a good warm-up for this Sunday’s Half Ironman.
EXCEPT, on my drive home, I kept feeling sharp pains on the back of my neck. Did I manage to attract freshwater leech sucking on my neck??!! Is this even possible? On another note, I am ALWAYS the first one to get bitten first (and multiple times) by mosquitoes… Needless to say, my superior visualization techniques backfired, and I was quite freaked out.
It wasn’t till I got home did I realize that I had gotten a big scratch on my neck. Probably from tucking and shoving the back zip string of my wetsuit the wrong way. Well, I now have a whole new appreciation for applying BodyGlide prior to putting on wetsuit: it not only helps you to get out of your wetsuit easier, but also prevents chafing from interestingly the back zip string (I had forgotten to apply today).
Or, maybe these silly things only happen to silly people. 
FINALLY shipped…a package that I was supposed to ship out two months ago!!! This was a “Thank You” package that I had personally took on the responsibility in front of the receipient before I dropped him off of the airport. Worse yet, the receipient is Marshall Goldsmith, the #1 NYT best-seller, the world-renowned executive coach to 100+ major CEOs and management teams…!
Ughhhhh! I know the package is probably trivial to him, but it’s the word that I had given. The sad thing is that the reason for delay is not because I had forgotten, but simply because, well…I procrastinated. Ouch.
I must say- everyday, this to-do has haunted me and been on my mind every single day. Interestingly, this act of self-nagging apparently poses stress yet no action (note to friends & family: nagging will not work on Jenny).
I will now write a nice Amazon book review for Marshall (I really enjoyed the book), you too, should check out his book: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful
Me so sorry, Marshall.
“Never a dull moment,” a comment often heard exchanged amongst Consultants, many times coupled with a slight shake of head, a sigh and a bittersweet/exasperated grin.
I still use it for work-related occasions simply because I couldn’t think of anything else other than ”interesting…”, which is way too overly connotated.
BUT, I’m *proudly* using it today on the occasion of my Half Ironman training experience:
Never a Dull Moment:
- When you are NOT sore the next day from a mile of open water swimming followed by 56 miles of cycling on persistent rolling hills- however, you are in extreme pain from getting badly sunburnt while training outdoors. Parts of you are red like a robster, and you now have a more-than-obvious sleeveless tan from your tri-top, and a freakin’ GLOVES tan from your bike gloves.
- When you are finally sore from hill workout, you do your body-good by taking time to roll out your thighs with a foam roller (good ol’ myofascial release). Well, your thighs may be feeling teeny-tiny better the next day, but your pecs and abs (I mean upper AND lower) are ironically sore from holding your upperbody up in order to put the weight of your thighs on the foam roller. Think of the plank position.
I just find these side-effects ironically funny. *shaking head, <sigh>, silly grin*: “never a dull moment.”
We hear so much these days on buzz words like ”work/life balance” and “work/life flexibility.” What’s the difference? In my mind, “work/life flexibility” is the attempted solution to patch up the real problem: “work/life balance.”
Having been an independent consultant and fitness trainer, the biggest draw for me was to be able to set my own work hours and arrange my schedule like “flex time” and “compressed workweek” if you’re familiar with corporate flexibility programs. To me, a flexible work schedule was “work/life balance.”
However recently, after reading through work/life balance-related comments from 1300+ employees from an annual company “pulse” survey, it dawned on me that the root of the work/life balance problem is the increase in workload and pace. The sad thing is, regardless of the availability of a flexibility program, at the end of the day, you will be working longer hours than before in order to meet the heightened expectations.
As a result of the increase in talent burnouts and collaboration on a global level (time zone differences for conference calls), companies are increasingly focused on work/life flexibiltiy initiatives. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in the benefits of flexibility programs; and in fact, given the pace of life, I don’t think corporations would be able to survive the talent war with offering enterprise-wide flexibility options, such as flex time, telecommute, etc.
With the increase in “free agent” mentality, especially in the Milennial population, companies need to find ways to attract and retain talents by offering them the opportunities to explore other interests at the same time. An example of such program would be on/off ramp, paid and unpaid leave of absence.
With that said, I still believe that the root of the problem is really work/life balance. The truth is that we have NO balance. With the availability of remote access technologies and the Internet, we are expected to be ON at all times. There is no mannerism when it comes to emails. It’s quite common that company email exchanges continue on afterhours, in fact, it is harmlessly encouraged, and expected.
I don’t think we can ever return to the good ol’ days of 8-5pm with two 15-30min breaks, where things moved rather leisurely. On the other hand, how far will this work/life integration go? While work flexibility programs do ease the pains of the workload by providing more options for employees to decide “when” and “where” to work, they at the same time perpetuate the work/life integration, not balance.
Flexibility options such as part time, remote work are ironically muddling the boundaries of work and personal hours. Since we’re doing what were considered traditionally two separate things now all at once, we at times feel like we’re contributing less hours to work, therefore working even more hours in return. We are tricked by ourselves.
I’m really struggling here. I’m no longer feeing crystal clear as to exactly which side is the “good” side…
