Something has been bugging me all week. OK OK, I mean REALLY bugging me.

Exhibit A: Jenny, has her first Half Ironman triathlon event this Sunday. Has been training hard for the past few months. Tapering this week- carbo-load, going to bed @ 9 – 10pm. Nervous.

Exhibit B: My Fiancé’s parents, lovely and kind people. Here this week to visit the area. Sick, trying to recover from a cold/cough.

What’s wrong with this picture? Well, A + B = HELP! They’re staying with us, in our bedroom, which connects to the closet and bathroom.

Bed-less and banned from my closet and shoes, I felt a bit inconvenienced. On top of that, the “cold & cough” factor got me a bit on the edge. I’m usually pretty good about putting others first. But this week, with my very first Half Ironman that I sort of don’t feel ready looming over my head, I had told everyone around me and myself that THIS WEEK IS ALL ABOUT ME. I need to get my beauty sleep, eat the right things and be at an emotionally stable state so that I will not “hit the wall” during my race.

Needless to say, my nervousness soon turned into agitation. In turn, this fueled guilt (for feeling this way) and annoyance (with myself, and others). I was no longer able to visualize my race, instead I was playing the picture of me sleeping on the floor and seeing the germs floating around the public air that we share. I was an emotional mess.

To unload my feelings, I spoke to my family and friends. I also thought about checking myself into a nearby hotel. Finally, not being able to hold it in any longer, I whined to my Fiancé’s (I had avoided doing so earlier because I didn’t want to put him in the middle, a tough place to be). Without me knowing, he actually took actions to address the awkward situation.

Anyway, long story short- I decided that no one needs to move in the end. What had to move, were the dark and weighted clouds of self-pity in my head. I realized that I had refused to let go of these negative feelings because I felt like I was not heard or sympathized. I felt indignant, I felt wronged.

I became fixated on this hurtful feeling, wondering how people would feel if I were to end up getting too sick to do the event. Thanks to my fiance and his experience in competitive volleyball, I realized that my mind had detracted far away from my original intentions. I had intended to welcome the to-be family, have a good time and kick some ass at my event this weekend. Somewhere along the way, my original goal had detracted and I was binding myself to the need to feel sympathized and be recognized for my sacrifice.

This is why the mind can be self-destructive. It forms a downward spiral and becomes fixated on things that are not even relevant in the grand scheme of things. This is why strong and right-minded leaders, athletes and musicians are good at what they do. This is also why you can easily throw someone off their game by saying “hey, your bike tire doesn’t look right” to a Cyclist, “you’re not going to catch the next pass” to a Wide Receiver, or “your first-string violinist got beaten by mine” to a Cellist in the orchestra. Good ol’ trashtalkin’, baby. Even without external interference, the weak-minded players may simply be trashtalking themselves into the downward spiral.

The key is to recognize what’s important, and the nonrelevant things will fade into the fall into the ground. I was finally able to do that last night. I shoved aside the piles of nonrelevant agitations that had been blocking my excitment for the Sunday event. And what happened? I slept like a baby…on a ghetto twin-size blow-up mattress, but that’s no longer relevant.